Beds Don’t Stay Made
Quit trying to fix everything.
Try tidying instead.
Either way
it won’t last.
But you’ll be ready
to do the work again
maybe even whistling
instead of stewing.
I’ve been thinking a lot about acceptance and action. Both seem necessary and impossible. I want to add “especially right now,” but we’ve been saying that for a long time. It seems every election in memory has been “the most important of our lifetime.” More to the point, a close reading of history shows that humans have been saying “especially right now” for millennia.
There’s a lyric of Over the Rhine’s that has stayed with me for a couple of decades, and a reinterpretation opened a new way to sit with that tension:
The bed is made,
the world’s a mess
Maybe we’ve got it backwards
Maybe we should just care less
— Over the Rhine, “Show Me”
As I’ve struggled with the messes we’ve made of the world, this keeps popping into my head. Of course, it’s not that we shouldn’t care. But there’s something in the way we’re caring that is not working for us or for the world.
And I don’t think it’s just that we need to tend to our own messes, or that change starts with me. Both are clichés for a reason. They’re true.
Perhaps the underlying problem is that we think we can fix the world in the first place. That we can fix anything. We have this illusion that some sort of permanent perfection is achievable. Maybe that very delusion drives us to make matters worse by trying to force the impossible and eventually robs us of the energy to do anything. Ultimately, it robs us of hope.
It’s like holding out an ideal of the perfect spouse or friend, and then wondering why every real relationship feels like a disappointment.
Imagine if we thought we could “fix” the bed, the dishes, the laundry. We would live in constant frustration, pursue many foolish paths to keep them from “breaking” again, and eventually give up, magnifying the messes of our lives.
Maybe tidying, cleaning, washing are the better metaphors. We try not to make unnecessary messes. We might improve how we do the work. But we know we’re going to keep coming back to it, and mostly we just do the work.
Sure, sometimes I question why we make the bed regularly, and sometimes I want disposable dishes and clothes. But mostly, I just do what needs doing.
I still don’t know exactly how to tidy my life as much as I’d like. I don’t know the best way to deal with those who keep making messes on purpose. And I certainly don’t know how to tidy climate change. Or democracy.
But I know there are things to do. And I know that the need to tidy is never going away.
That realization changes things.
Note:
On Sunday, April 26, I’m giving a talk with the Insight Meditation Community of Denver titled “Beds Don’t Stay Made: Acting Without the Need to Fix,” building on this idea. It’s in-person in Denver and online via Zoom. We sit from 4–4:45 p.m. MT, with the talk and discussion from 5–6.
The following Sunday (May 3), I’ll also be facilitating an “Introduction to Meditation” session for a smaller group at IMCD. Less silent sitting, more walking through different approaches and common misconceptions. That’s from 4–4:45 p.m. MT. All are welcome. No experience (and no particular beliefs) needed.
If you’d like the Zoom link for either, feel free to comment or send me a note.